Friday, April 19, 2013

My Vocation Story: You Can Do it Better Than Me




This Sunday the Church calls “World Day of Prayer for Vocations.”  Each and everyone one of us should be praying for vocations, to religious life, the diaconate and the priesthood.  All of the readings today give us some sign or affirmation of the importance of vocations.  In our first reading from Acts we can see how important Paul and Barnabas’ message of the Gospel was, for many came to believe.  In the second reading the Apostle John reminds us of just how important the messenger is, not because of himself, but as God’s instrument he brings to the people Revelation.  And finally in the Gospel, Jesus says, “My sheep hear my voice . . .” we are all sheep but some among the sheep are chosen by God to help Him shepherd His people.  I happen to be one of those, called to be a priest of Christ, not by my own doing or choosing, but by Him who has called me.  I want to share with you how that call occurred in my life, when I finally understood it, and what I did about it.

I grew up in a very faith filled and practicing family.  We always went to mass on Sundays; I can still remember getting dressed and marching off to Church.  As a little boy I was in awe of Church, it all looked quite awesome to me.  We went to Most Precious Blood in Astoria Queens, and I remember distinctly all the beautiful statues, some even looked menacing, some looked tranquil, others just typical.  I loved all the different colors and paintings, the shape of things, what the priest wore and especially what he did.  Believe it or not I liked the signing though just as now I could not sing then either.

I remember playing priest when I was home; I am about 7 or 8 years old at the time.  My older brother was my congregation.  My mom gave me a slice of wonder bread and some apple juice for the bread and wine.  I had the missal in front of me and got along as best I could and my brother would even respond sometimes.  The innocence of early childhood, precious indeed. 

This innocence did not last for long.  By the time I was a teenager mass became work and it was boring.  I always loved to be playing ball in those days; especially basketball and Sunday mornings were for the park to play pickup games until mama let us know the sauce (gravy) was ready.  My mother being no fool would ask if I had been to Church.  I would say, “Yes,” and hand her a bulletin, you see, on my way to the park I would stop at the church run into the narthex grab the bulletin and go.  Can you believe it!  Anyway, my mom picked up on this and asked me on Sunday, “Oh by the way, what did Father preach about?”   With my mouth hanging I would just say, “huuuuuummmmhhhhh.”  Get to mass she would yell.  So being the little wise guy I knew that mass started at 10am, so if I got to the Narthex at 10:15 father would be preaching, I would listen for a moment or two, remember a couple of things, grab my bulletin and go.  But as smart as I thought I was my mother was smarter, she caught on to these shenanigans as well.

Nevertheless, God was calling me, He did so when I played mass as a little boy, and even though I avoided Him as a teenager right up until my early to mid twenties the Good Lord was always dropping signs I just didn’t pick them up right away.
I may have been around 16 years old when I was attending our Youth Group at Our Lady of Grace in Fairview, NJ.  I remember this because that night the priest, Father Peter, asked us to write a person (or persons) name\s on a card whom we thought could one day be a priest.  Well, when the card got to me I left it blank.  But my cousin Vinnie did not leave it blank, doesn’t that sound very New Yorkish, “My Cousin Vinnie.”  Who do you think Vinnie wrote down on that card?  You guessed it, “me.”  He told me afterwards and I remember being upset at him because now I would have to dodge the priest because he may ask me about the card, which eventually he did, but I got him off my back telling him my cousin was playing a joke on me, but he didn’t go for it fully, because he left me with, “think about it.”

I probably thought about it for a fleeting moment and then it was gone.  Jumping now into my early twenties, I was like anybody else, I dated, seriously even, almost getting married, but the Lord had different roads for us, both good as a matter of fact, and you don’t need to know the rest, but the weird thing was that I was not a practicing Catholic at this time.  Yes, I believed in God and you could not persuade me otherwise.  My girl friend at the time was a practicing Catholic and I tagged along to be a good sport.  Mass was still boring to me, I didn’t understand it, but what I did understand was public speaking, especially motivational type of speaking.  I was blessed with great coaches as a young man, all of whom were great motivators, John Schettino, John and Mike Mesisca, who coached during my CYO years, and Coach Talamini when I played in High School.  And I was already on the beginning of my coaching journey at the time as well.  So, when I went to mass I would always critique the priest’s homily (not the ones at Our Lady of Grace, my North Jersey friends know what I mean).  More so than not I would be frustrated because the priest did not speak well, he did not motivate me, he spoke of nothing real, either about himself or of anything relevant.  You’re not only selling me something, your offering me your very blood line, you gotta do better.  I would then reflect during the Eucharistic prayer, unknown to my then girlfriend, “I can be a better priest than him. I can speak better, I can move better, and I would bring out my belief and recruit you onto the team.”  That was all pride then, but even through my self-pride the Lord continued to drop hints and in the back of my mind I am picturing myself coaching division one college basketball, being married with 3 children, the dog running around the back yard.  I am sure God was smiling if not laughing at my well laid out plans.

It wasn’t until I met my good friend Tommy Deas at UPS who shared with me the Gospel, a fellow Catholic (another long story here, this one will have to wait) which then caused what some call a reversion (revert back to what you were) or conversion – a becoming of something you were not, i.e. Augustine was a pagan who became Catholic.  I began to pray more, I attended mass every Sunday, weekly confession, and even began to go on retreats.  I even started to think, is God calling me, does He want something more of me?  And the answer was yes!

I entered seminary on June 3rd 1998.  I have never looked back.  I’ll share with you one final story.  The night before I was ordained I was at home with my parents.  I was sitting with my mom in the living room.  She said that she wanted to tell me something.  My mother was originally going to be a nun, but she left one year before her final vows because she felt a very strong call to marriage and family.  I already knew this, but then she told me something she never mentioned to me.  She said that when I was three years old we all went as a family to Croatia, my older brother Louis was about five at the time.  I remember the trip but only in images no conversations.  After we arrived in Croatia we all went to see the sisters and the mother superior snuck us around back so that the other sisters would not see my mother with a man and children, lest they get any funny ideas, it was the times you know.  Anyway, they brought us around back and we all had lunch together.  Right before we were to leave Mother Superior said to my mom, since you left one of your boys will be a priest.  My mom asked, “Which one?”  The good Mother picked me up.  My mom knew form that moment that I would be a priest and not once did she ever try to persuade me to do so.  

She also said to me, tomorrow is August 13th that was the night – in the middle of the morning actually that I left the convent and tomorrow you will be ordained, which will be on August 13th.  She tried to give me here profession cross as a gift, but I refused and told her that Cross is yours, and even though you did not take final vows a part of the community will always be with you and we will place that cross in your hands when you go to your rest.  She still misses community prayer even until today; she said that was the hardest thing to give up.  I know what she is talking about.  But more importantly for us here today is not simply my story but yours as well.  Is God calling you, have you been listening?  Are you a little naïve or even a little ignorant as I was?  Are you a little scared of what others might think even your own parents if you were to tell them about your vocation?  And parents do you promote vocations, prayer and faith with your children so that they can discern the voice in God in their conscience?

God called me is He calling you?  Just like I sat in that pew a long time ago thinking I can do it better than him, God just might be motivating you as well that you can do it even better than me!

FJ


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