Happy Father's Day Dad

This Sunday is Father’s Day.  It will be my first without my dad.  As I reflect back since his passing on Nov. 28^th 2011, I realize that I have finally been able to mourn his passing.  When he passed away I had to be the one that took care of all the funeral planning, the planning for the mass, all the legal work that followed, i.e. his will, new wills, etc.  Shortly after I was transferred from Woodstown to Galloway, so I had to dive in head first into my new assignment, giving me no time to reflect and to mourn his passing.  As I got settled in at Galloway, I did begin to reflect on my dad and to finally mourn his passing.

The one thing that keeps coming back to me, even in the midst of the tears is that he is happy, that everything that was supposed to happen – happened, according to God’s Divine Providence.  I may not have been able to say that when things were still fresh in my mind, but looking back now, I can clearly see and understand his leaving this life to be in the next.

Part of me wanted to hold him here.  I miss his smile, our conversations, his story telling, sharing meals together, watching Croatia play soccer at 2am during the World Cup, praying together, and just being family.  It is very hard to let that go.  Yet, Christ challenges us, sometimes right down to the very core of our being, and he says, “Trust in me, offer it all to me.”  The letting go of everyone, everything, and even myself is the root of love, if I cannot I have not reached love at its essence – total surrender, again, very difficult, but there is a freedom in it.  I realized the pain I had in my dad’s loss was me keeping him here, not that he was here like a ghost, but that I could not have full peace or he knowing my pain.  Surrendering to Christ sets us free. 

Many think that faith is just some spirituality that I live in private, praying only 2 minutes a week when I need something, or just attending mass – that’s good though, but only a part of it, faith demands the impossible of us, to trust without second thought and to do so completely, even when I have to let go of my own father.  I thought I had this faith, being a priest and all, but I didn’t until I could say to Jesus, “Everything and everyone is yours, I surrender to your will, and I give you my father.”  Not that he was mine to give, but rather I trust he is definitely ok, and that I am ok.

This Father’s day will not be a sad one for me, even though it is the first one without my dad.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he lives and continues to love me and I him.  And in the end, it’s only a matter of time before we reunite, regardless if I pass today or 40 years from now, just a blink of an eye in the scheme of things.  A Scripture passage that helped me was, “We do not want you to be unaware, brothers, about those who have fallen asleep, so that you may not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.  For if we believe Jesus died and rose, so too will God, through Jesus, bring with him those who have fallen asleep.” (1 Thess. 4:13-14, NABRE)  Bring them where?  To be resurrected, those who passed before us and we as well and future generations to come if that be the Lord’s will.  This is my hope and if you lost your dad or any loved one I pray it is your hope as well.

Happy Father’s Day Dad, see you soon!