Feast of the Holy Family: Family and Forgiveness

Today we celebrate the feast of the Holy Family, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.  I can only wonder at what it was like, their prayer life, their daily work, and the love that they shared.  It must have been pretty amazing, but I would also assume in many ways it was quite regular as well.  I am sure there was something magical about it, but just like everyone else they had to work, do their chores, and simply just work at being a family.  I am sure there were moments of worry, concern, and even frustration.

Today’s Gospel is a prime example of parents worrying for their child.  Jesus decides to stay back while the family leaves.  I am sure not a too unfamiliar story for most parents, a child getting lost.  When Mary and Joseph finally realize that Jesus is missing I can only imagine their concern and their being worried sick.  Jerusalem was a metropolis in those days compared to what Nazareth was like.  For three days Jesus is lost until they finally find Him preaching and teaching in the temple.

It was then that Mary and Joseph reveal their worry and concern, “How could you do this to us, we were worried sick,” and Jesus responds, “I must be about my Father’s business.”  I am sure that must have made them both pause, but I am also sure they felt great relief that he was safe.

We all know that the Holy family was holy, we have depictions, art work, icons, statues, and every other form of art telling us this, and they truly were holy for Jesus was full of grace and Truth, Mary was Immaculate and Joseph a good and righteous man.  Nevertheless they were not without suffering, worry or concern as all of us are from time to time.

What does this model of the Holy Family mean for our families?  Obviously we are to imitate the Holy Family as much as we possibly can.  However, our families also have concerns, worries, and even suffering.  We can go even further; our families have problems, be they small or great.  Many times we will hide our problems from others, we keep our dirty laundry to ourselves, because God forbid someone finds out my teenage daughter is pregnant, or my son is divorced and has remarried outside of the Church with no annulment and continues to receive the sacraments, or my father is an alcoholic, or my sister addicted to drugs.  No family is exempt from problems, some may not be so severe, but problems nevertheless.

What is the answer to these problems?  The answer is perseverance and prayer.  St. Paul calls us fighters fighting the good fight, he knew life was not easy, sometimes far from it, and fighters get knocked down but a good fighter will try to get up each and every time.  Families will try to stay together, for the most part, even with severe problems, they try to stick it out, but sometimes a family falls apart because it is dealing with a hurt that they think cannot be healed, and it usually centers on forgiveness.

St. Paul in his letter to the Colossians writes, “. . . bear(ing) with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.”

How many times do we hear of family squabbles that get out of control and before you know it brother stops talking to brother, daughter stops talking to mother, father abandons family, and all the rest?  Most of the times not being able to forgive deals with betrayal.  Someone has betrayed me, broke trust, or given up on me and the hurt that – that brings is sometimes too much and causes a break between blood, marriage or friendships.  We just find it impossible to forgive.

The question that remains is why do we find it impossible to forgive?  If we call ourselves Christians and good Christians at that then we must forgive as St. Paul writes and as Jesus Himself taught us, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Still we find it hard and the excuses and logic we use are, he or she cheated on me, they lied about the money, someone broke my trust, someone lied (slander) about me and caused me great harm, someone in the family maneuvered themselves into a greater portion of the will of the parents, etc., etc.

We trick ourselves by thinking if we hold back forgiveness we somehow have power over the other, that we are causing them some pain, which we justify as justice in our own perverse way.  The reality is that we have no power over the other, nor are we causing them any pain, actually the reverse is happening, we are the ones in pain and justice is being done to us because we can’t let go.

Not being able to forgive is a sickness that festers right in the heart of the person and weakens the soul.  Forgiveness is everything.  If we can’t forgive we will walk in shackles and chains with heavy stones on our shoulders carrying evil around day and night.  I hate to be melodramatic, but it is true, withholding forgiveness does damage to us and keeps our family not holy but unholy.

If you have anger, hate, vengeance, or a strong desire not to forgive I ask you to remember Christ who forgave you for everything, even when you mocked him, spit on him, beat him, whipped him, put nails through his hands and feet, and he still looked down on you with forgiveness.  We all betrayed him, hurt him, and still he calls us friends.  What has your brother or sister done to you that could have been worse than what you did (we did) to Christ? Anger, hate, and vengeance will keep us prisoners in this life and the next, forgiveness will set us free now and also forever.  Amen.